The call of the wild. Getting back to nature.

The call of the wild. Getting back to nature. No barriers of civilization between you and your family. A family river rafting vacation can not only recharge the batteries, but bring you closer to your family than ever before. Compared to many other vacation getaways such as luxury cruises or a trip to Las Vegas, a river rafting trip is inexpensive. But the best thing about family river rafting vacations is that they’re great places to plot a murder of your most hated family member.

Someone Call Prince Charles

Think about all of the possibilities presented to you to off a really annoying loved one. Do you have a wealthy parent who just wont die because they are way too healthy and vigorous? Then a family river rafting vacation will bring home more than just memories it’ll bring home the bacon, too. Just remember to be as grief-stricken as possible and to not spend the money until at least one year has passed since the reading of the will. Otherwise, the Menendez brothers will be your new roommates.

You could poke a tiny hole in the raft, keep accidentally missing grabbing the hands when they scrabble to get back on or you could exchange their brightly colored safety hat for a black motorcycle helmet. If you do your research, you could discover which family river rafting guides that you could easily blackmail into silence or looking the other way at a very opportune moment.

Bring Your Own Bottle

There are only a few types of relatives you can kill on a family river rafting vacation and make it look like an accident. These include any relatives with a history of substance abuse. You only need about three inches of water to drown an unconscious relative. Get them as stoned of their skulls as possible, then, bonk them in the head with a local rock and chuck them face-down in the water. You dont even have to get wet.

If your relatives are on special medication they have to take daily, make sure they don’t. “Whoops! There goes the meds floating downstream!” If they’re suicidal, encourage them to see the futility of human existence. If they like bowling, convince them that there is a great new sport called extreme bowling which combines the precision of bowling with all the thrills of whitewater rafting.

Truly, the sky (and the gullibility of your victim) is the limit when planning a murder during a family river rafting vacation.

Tags: water sports

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